Still with the iUniverse…

Whenever I get an e-mail from iUniverse, it always makes my day.  As my initial commitment to them started in February 2007 and I have been too lazy to switch the publication of the physical copies of my book over to Createspace since then, the communication in the past 5 years has been limited and random at best.  When they do contact me, I can always be assured it will make me smile cringe.  And before you even inquire, yes, they are always offering some ‘service’ or another that will cost me money.

Let’s get started!  From my helpful Marketing Consultant (I’ve had at least 10 contacts over the years), here’s what iUniverse can do for me:

I am sending you an email so we can create a marketing plan that sets your expectations. I will begin in asking you questions so I can properly determine what you want and what is suitable for your book.

• What do you want to achieve with this book?

Well, Mary, can I call you Mary?  I’m going to stop you right there.  Given my books have been with you for YEARS, if I don’t know what I want to achieve with my novels by now, I’m not sure I can consider myself an author.  Furthermore, if I didn’t know what I wanted to achieve from the moment I published my books, then what would the point of writing all these words be?  Sure, I have a range of goals, which range from specific numbers to pie-in-the-sky achievements, but no, iUniverse, I don’t need your help.

• Who is your target audience?

Your mom. In all honesty, this is something an author should know at the start of writing, or at least by the time the book is published.  For example, my YA stuff would be best for 13-17 American young women.  Room 702 would be best for a female demographic, ages 24-50, but I wouldn’t rule out men enjoying the novel as well.

• How would you like your book to be marketed? Is it via Internet, Book Trailers, Book Reviews, Press Release, Newspaper & Magazine Ads, Book Signings or Library Shows, T.V. commercials, Hollywood, Reader’s Digest, In-flight magazine, Literary Agent, Bookstores, Libraries?

I would like many of these options, iUniverse.  All of them are available to me with a little bit of research and some extra money, but thanks for offering.

Delete.

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